New Year

With the new year upon us I can't help but wonder what it will entail for me. Another year of depression? I hope not. I can't work because I have been deemed unfit for work. I have to wait for me to be approved for long term disability in may so my new year really doesn't start until then. I am going to be an anxious mess until that time. I am certainly going to try and smile more, to try and stave off the depression. It seems to work for me. Maybe some yoga? Who knows. Hopefully the psychiatrist can figure out my medication and I can get rid of this depression. I really wish I wasn't turning another year older without kids. I don't even know if I want or can have kids yet. That is another big one... Can I properly take care of children with this disorder? I don't think so. Not in the current state I am in. Constantly up and down. Adding a child into the mix would be a tremendous task, one I am not ready or willing to take on. I am going to be 31 this year. Unless my moods stabilize, I don't think I will ever be able to have children. This is so sad for me to think about. Bipolar has robbed me of work and children. The 2 main things in life that could bring me joy. At least I can be grateful and say I still have my partner to take care of and love. I just hope there is a magic pill that will stabilize my moods! For now, I am not stable and I have to accept that. Acceptance is the key to all my problems. As soon as I can accept it, I can do something about it. Talk to my psychiatrist. Tell him I am not happy with the meds I am on. Hopefully he will agree to put me on another mood stabilizer. All I can do is try.